


Fools

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [18]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Prompt: Is that my shirt? (It most certainly is), Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-31 07:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21107000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: She couldn’t even quite remember when they had started doing this, started being more than just roommates - or even more than friends - but instead found themselves entangled in the other’s arms, in the other’s bed. It was a well developed routine now, something neither of them had ever particularly taken serious, something which they had dismissed as being simply a distraction.





	Fools

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song _fools_ by lauren aquilina and written for the Hogwartsonline prompt: "Is that my shirt? It most certainly is."

Zoya rolled onto her stomach, pulling the covers over her naked skin. She was still breathing slightly uneven, letting her head rest on the pillow as she peered up at Nikolai, who was lying next to her, equally panting. 

She couldn’t even quite remember when they had started doing this, started being more than just roommates - or even more than friends - but instead found themselves entangled in the other’s arms, in the other’s bed. It was a well developed routine now, something neither of them had ever particularly taken serious, something which they had dismissed as being simply a distraction. 

Although they had never talked about it. Zoya had never felt the wish to address it, either, but except from the occasional jokes Nikolai had never asked about it either. Which was quite unlike him. Because usually he didn’t quite hold back with such things. 

Zoya sat up now. She was aware they were dancing a very fine line here, especially since their visits in the other rooms kept dragging out, even to the points where she had fallen asleep in his arms a few nights, only to leave in the morning before he woke and pretend nothing had happened.   
  
But this was not a relationship. They were  _ friends,  _ good friends, and he was one of the few people Zoya would say she trusted. She didn’t mean to ruin all that. 

She slipped from her bed now, reaching for her shirt on the floor and pulling it back over her head. She was all too well aware of Nikolai’s gaze on her backside. “Quit the staring, Lantsov”, she muttered without turning around, brushing her hair through with her fingertips. 

Nikolai laughed, looking much too comfortable in her bed if she was concerned. “Do you have places to be, Nazyalensky?” he wanted to know, raising a brow at her. 

Zoya rolled her eyes, turning around to face him. “I have to study, so if you could  _ please  _ get your ass to your own room I would be very grateful.” 

His eyes lightened up at the words, but he moved to get up anyway. “There’s truly no way to satisfy you, is there?” he asked, slipping into his jeans but not even bothering with the shirt. It remained on the floor. 

Zoya shot him an annoyed glance, sitting down at her desk and opening her laptop, to avoid having to further this conversation. She wasn’t a fan of after sex conversations, least of all with Nikolai. Who she was not even supposed to have sex with. 

He left without another word, closing her door behind himself. Zoya took a deep breath, reaching for her phone and dialing Genya’s number. She didn’t pick up, and so Zoya tossed her phone away. Not that she didn’t know what Genya would have to say about this. She had not been a fan of this little  _ arrangement  _ from the start, but Zoya had insisted that she would be fine. That she would never catch feelings. Apparently she had greatly fooled herself. 

Suddenly she heard rambling from the kitchen, followed by a series of cursewords.  _ Saints.  _ Zoya pushed to her feet, striving over to the kitchen. “You really can’t be alone for more than a minute, can you?” she hissed at Nikolai, narrowing her eyes at the mess he had made. “What are you trying to accomplish here?” 

He ran a hand through his hair, looking a lot like a lost puppy. “I was trying to make fries”, he replied, like that was the most normal thing in the world. “Sweet potato fries.” 

Until now, Zoya had not even been aware Nikolai knew that sweet potatoes existed. It was not like either of them ever bothered to cook. They mostly ordered in. “Where did you get that idea?” she wanted to know, handing him a towel to clean up. 

Nikolai shrugged. “A friend suggested it to me.”   
  
Zoya’s stomach turned at the word  _ friend.  _ “Which friend?” she wanted to know, not daring to look at him. Instead she stared down at the kitchen counter. 

He hesitated a brief second. “A girl I matched with on Tinder”, he said eventually, voice as carefree as usual. He didn’t even sound bothered. 

Zoya felt like she would be sick.  _ On Tinder.  _ “I wasn’t aware you needed dating apps to pick up girls”, she remarked, hoping that he might not notice the sharp edge to her voice. Or the effort those words costed her. She really was an idiot. 

“I prefer not to rely entirely on my great looks, Nazyalensky”, Nikolai replied. “Makes it more fun.” 

She shot him a dark look, trying to shove the traitorous thoughts away from her mind. They were friends, nothing else. Why risk ruining a great friendship? They were living together just fine. 

The ringing of Zoya’s phone interrupted the conversation, and she reached for it thinking it might be Genya. Although it turned out it was very much not Genya, but instead Kirigin, a guy from her class. One who was very interested. 

Under normal circumstances she wouldn’t have picked up, but since Nikolai was right next to her… “What’s up?” she asked into the phone, making her voice honey-sweet. 

Nikolai’s expression changed to surprised, then he turned away too quick for her to see anything else. 

“I was wondering whether you had any plans for tonight”, Kirigin purred into the phone, in his usual manner. “We could go over our notes from state law together.” 

_ Right.  _ Zoya smiled knowingly. “I’m free tonight”, she replied, watching Nikolai. “I’ll come over.” 

Nikolai had gone back to cutting potatoes when she hung up. “Plans for tonight?” he asked, never looking up. 

Had she truly managed to upset him? If anything it had prickled at his pride, Zoya knew that, but it felt like an achievement all the same. “Apparently so”, she replied, trying to sound deliberately bored. “Don’t wait for me”, she added. 

“I always love having the house to myself”, Nikolai commented, but not with his usual charm. 

Zoya turned away to leave, but he held her back. 

“Who’s the guy?”   
  
She stilled, glancing up at him for a moment. “He’s in my class. Not that it’s any of your concern.” 

Nikolai gave her a long look, his hazel eyes gleaming ever so slightly. “Just making sure you are staying safe.”   
  
Now he was playing at chivalry, apparently. Zoya shrugged the concern away, turning away again. “I can take care of myself.”   
  
He didn’t say anything else in return. 

One hour later Zoya was ready to leave at last, with the exception that she could not manage to find her hairbrush. And her hair still looked like a nightmare from her adventure with Nikolai, and she didn’t quite need that as a first impression. Unfortunately, the very last place where that damned hairbrush could be was the bathroom, the one which Nikolai had blocked for the past thirty minutes. 

The shower was running when Zoya knocked, waiting for a reply. “Can I come in real quick?” she asked through the door, already impatient. “I need to get something.” No reply.  _ Saints.  _ “Nikolai!” she tried again. This time the shower was turned off. 

“You’re always welcome to join me in the shower, Nazyalensky”, Nikolai purred from inside the room, and Zoya rolled her eyes. 

Not that it hadn’t happened before - more times than Zoya would like to admit - but right now was hardly the time. She opened the door and slipped inside, trying not to gaze at Nikolai as he stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. 

“You dressed up for going studying?” he commented as he wrapped the towel around his hips, damp golden curls clinging to his head like a halo. 

Zoya gave a half shrug, trying not to stare. She didn’t need this sort of distraction right now. “I like dressing up”, she replied simply. Not very believable, but she didn’t want him to believe it anyway. He could gladly know where she was going. 

Nikolai stepped closer, suddenly only leaving a few inches of space between them. The heat from the water still on his shoulders grazed Zoya’s face as she looked up at him, trying to make up something to say. Something to  _ do.  _ Instead she just stared, up into his eyes, utterly lost. The world could have stopped moving and she wouldn’t have realized. 

Nikolai’s lips were almost close enough to touch now as he leaned in a little closer, almost daring. Daring her to stop away. 

_ A girl I matched with on Tinder.  _ Zoya’s senses snapped back into place and she ducked away, reaching for her hairbrush at least. “I have to go.” She was out of the door before Nikolai could react, although she could hear him calling her name before she slammed the front door shut behind her, not even bothering to brush her hair anymore. 

Outside she climbed into her car, lighting a cigarette with shaky fingers.  _ What had just happened?  _ She dialed Genya’s number again, and this time her friend had the decency to pick up. 

“Let me guess”, Genya greeted her. “It’s about Nikolai.” 

Zoya put the phone on speaker mode, taking a drag from her cigarette. “We had a strange moment”, she replied. “After he got out of the shower.” 

Genya sighed dramatically. “Don’t tell me you hopped in there with him  _ again. _ ” 

“No”, Zoya muttered. “I went into the room to get something and then we…” How could she explain it? “We almost kissed”, she decided to say. 

Genya was silent for a moment. “So? You regularly end up in the other one’s bed, I figured you might have kissed before.”   
  
Zoya rolled her eyes, inhaling some more smoke. “Not like this”, she tried to explain. “Not… romantically.” She really didn’t know how to make Genya understand. Usually, it was just about sex. But today she had felt something, a spark passing between them, and that was not what they usually had. Or allowed themselves to have. 

“I understand”, Genya said eventually. “This arrangement sucks, Zo”, she added. “Just admit it, you caught feelings already.” 

Zoya preferred not to respond. “What do I do?” she asked instead. 

Genya sighed again, this time much more sad. “What you should have done weeks ago. Stop sleeping with him and get your feelings sorted out.”   
Zoya flicked some ash out of the open window. The sight of having to let go of Nikolai made her heart hurt. She wasn’t sure if she could manage. “I have to go”, she said into the phone. “Thanks Genya.” 

Genya didn’t sound happy when she hung up, but Zoya couldn’t quite deal with that at the moment. She started the car engine and drove off, not quite knowing where to go just yet. She suddenly had no intention to go to Kirigin anymore, not even to distract herself. Any touch on her skin would feel too much like Nikolai’s at this point. 

Zoya returned at 2am at night, after having driven around town and eventually knocking on Genya’s door and staying there for a good while. But now she silently unlocked the door, slipping inside. Nikolai had not sent her a single message, obviously still expecting she might not be coming home.  _ Good.  _

The apartment was dark and Zoya quickly disappeared in her room, not wanting to risk waking Nikolai. As she turned on the light and shrugged off her jacket her eyes immediately darted to Nikolai’s shirt, which was still on the ground. 

A certain sadness struck her then, one which made her heart feel very heavy. She changed out of the rest of her clothes, hesitantly picking the shirt up and letting its fabric run through her fingers. It smelled like Nikolai’s cologne. She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering when she had come to be this desperate, and then slipped into the shirt. 

She curled up beneath her covers and fell asleep immediately, grateful for the little comfort and the break from her thoughts. 

Sunrays were breaking through the window when Zoya woke the next time, rolling onto her back. It was a little past 11 in the morning, quite late for her liking, but apparently the past night had worn her off. 

She was still wearing Nikolai’s shirt, but at the same time didn’t have the heart to take it off just yet. He usually slept longer than her anyway, so she might have the chance to slip into the kitchen and steal a coffee before he awoke. 

She tiptoed into the kitchen, being as silent as possible when she turned on the coffee maker, searching for an empty cup. And yet, fate was not on her side. 

A door was suddenly opened, and next thing she knew Nikolai was in the doorway, blinking sleepily in her direction. “Is that my shirt?” he muttered as a greeting, raising a tired brow at her. “Suits you much better than that fancy dress.” 

Zoya silently reached for her coffee, taking a sip. She needed caffeine. “You’re up early”, she replied, only to have something to say. Since when was it awkward between them? It never was. 

Nikolai stepped closer, already looking much more awake. “You came home last night?” he concluded, watching her carefully. 

Zoya wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling very naked in just the shirt. Which was nonsense, since Nikolai had of course seen her dressed in much less before. “I did”, she confirmed. 

If she didn’t knew better, she would have said his expression was relieved. He slipped closer to her, his hands brushing over the collar of the shirt she was wearing. “It looks much better on you than it does on me.” His fingers traveled higher, over her neck, to the line of her jaw. 

Zoya didn’t move, although she could feel a shiver running over her spine. But she knew what she had to do. “Nikolai”, she broke the silence, his gaze darting back to her. “This has to stop.” 

His brows arched up, and he immediately dropped his hand. “What?” 

Zoya kept her gaze steady, although it took her way too much effort. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Why risk that.” 

Nikolai blinked in surprise. “Where is this coming from suddenly?” 

_ Suddenly.  _ Zoya took a step back, bumping backwards into the kitchen table. “I’m just tired of being your back up plan to run to whenever your Tinder dates don’t work out”, she snapped. Those words had meant to hit, and she could see that they did. 

Hurt flashed over Nikolai’s face, but he didn’t reply. Only stared at her in silence. 

“Whatever”, Zoya muttered, turning around to leave the kitchen, just as Nikolai reached for her wrist. 

He held her back, effectively trapping her between his body and the table. “Okay listen.” He sighed. “I’m sorry that I mentioned that stupid dating app, I don’t use it anymore.” He gave her a thoughtful glance. “Don’t run away again.” 

Zoya pulled her wrist away from his grip, but didn’t move. “You’re an asshole”, she muttered under her breath. They were still standing much too close, his breathing brushing over her skin. 

Nikolai chuckled. “I am”, he admitted. “But-” he leaned forward, brushing a hair away from her face. 

Zoya didn’t even dare to breathe. 

“I’ve always had a weak spot for you, Nazyalensky”, he finished. 

Zoya searched his eyes for a hint that he was joking, lying, anything, but he was being serious. “Who wouldn’t?” she replied, since her mind blanked on better responses. 

Nikolai responded with a playful smile, his hands still lightly cupping her cheek. “You don’t think we could make this work?” he asked suddenly. 

Zoya tensed at the subject. “Why risk it?” she asked in return, daring to look up at him. 

Nikolai leaned forward, his lips brushing over the top of her cheekbone. “Because I couldn’t stay away from you”, he said very quietly, barely more than a whisper. 

She shuddered at the words, feeling Nikolai’s arms wrap around her waist, pulling her slightly closer.  _ Were they being irrational?  _ They were fine right now, why want more? Why be greedy? 

Nikolai sensed her hesitation, waiting for her to make a move. His fingers brushed absentmindedly over her hair. 

“No more Tinder matching”, Zoya said eventually. “And no more cooking, please.” 

He raised a brow at her. “No more nightly  _ study  _ dates.” 

Zoya smirked, giving a slight huff. “Deal”, she replied. 

“Deal”, Nikolai whispered, as he closed the distance between them and kissed her.


End file.
